"You know what, I have two children in a stroller and two heavy bags and you're racing around on a scooter. It doesn't make sense to me." This is a Park Slope mom's way of saying, "Watch where you're going!"

Also, does it seem right to play a song with the line, "sexy as a motherfucker" in Payless at ten in the morning?

I was in a small library killing a few minutes before work (I learned this week that it's supposed to be a census secret where we meet, so I can't tell you which McDonald's it is) and thumbed through a couple of magazines I've never looked at before. Audrey is for Asian American women and has a unique art design, it looks like someone has underlined and circled various headlines with a regular pen. (An "inkpen" as they say in DC.) In Shape, I learned there's a profession I wasn't aware of. And before I tell you what it is, discoveries like this make me simultaneously think "that's the stupidest..." and "this is the most marvelous country ever". Jared Matthew Weiss is a "New York based life stylist". And he gets money for invaluable insights like this one, "balance is the key to happiness". On "Hee Haw!" they used to give the small town of the week a "Saaaaa-Loooot!" and I bestow one upon you, Jared Matthew Weiss.