The old apartment looks move-in ready, and the new one like I'm just about to flee the Nazis.

The good news is, I have one day sober! Now that the big event is over, I'm treating my body more like the temple it deserves.

So I ordered new return address labels, and was considering getting a pattern. My all-time favorite labels had this hideous clown head on them that made me laugh every single time. Anyway, they had various colors of awareness ribbons, and I thought hmm, maybe ol' First Amendment blue. (Aww, the Constitution, I remember you so fondly!) But you really don't hear people talk about their First Amendment ribbons, so I wanted to check that's still what it means. Well, it turns out the awareness ribbon phenomenon has spun completely out of control!: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_awareness_ribbons
And does Tony Orlando get a royalty on every one? Unlikely! So sure, I could get the blue ribbon, which does still, theoretically!, raise awareness for First Amendment on the Internet. But frankly, I don't need people hassling me for trying to raise their awareness about hydranencephaly, and while I suppose, without knowing all the details, I support the release of Basque terrorist's (or freedom fighters'?) kidnap victims, I don't think my profile is high enough to be of any real use.

So I went with the giant H.

I've been thinking about last names and got to wondering if Smith is the most common last name in America because smithies had characteristics that made them successful in the breeding pool. I think I may be on to something. The smith was the engineer of his time. When most people worked the land for food, the smithy could actually see something he didn't like, fire up the old forge and change it, he was the village technocrat. Where was the Seventeenth Century Microsoft? Over yonder, under the spreading chestnut tree!

I haven't seen "Love Happens", but here's my summary of it: a woman who's surrounded by hair and make-up people meets a Aaron Eckhart, who as a romantic lead I describe as a guy who knows the script will force the heroine to fall in love with him.

With the help of Garth Brooks, I'm almost done cleaning my ex-apartment. No, he wasn't ropin' the Windex, I wish he was, I just chose him as my cleaning theme music. I want every penny of my deposit back, and my standard is "would I be psyched to move into this place?" I'll tell you whot, it's quite a bit cleaner than my new apartment. My bathroom, upon close inspection, is kinda grody. Fortunately, I've got plenty of product to attack it.

The dying man in my building doubts I'll get my deposit back. (Here's why I think he's dying, over the past few months, his neck has gotten skinny and his ankles have gotten huge. Also, he's an elderly alcoholic. When Lisa-Anne visited he was sitting on the stoop and she thought he was homeless.) He says the owners are mean and they've been pestering him for ten years. That may be true, but you'd have to be a saint not to be a stickler with people paying 1/4 of the rent you could get for a space. Rent control makes us enemies.

Know what else helps with the chores? Booze. This week I had a revelation--why drink wine when you can drink fortified wine? Twice the buzz for the same amount of money. Sherry is my new drug of choice.

Today's reward for the cleaning is going to be "The September Issue".

Really? This was a woman's comment on Facebook regarding the topic: acai, does it work?:

"I believe nythiing works if you stick long enough to it and use it right!" (Including spell check.)

Move is less than a week away; Flo got packed today. You know, she used to be just a mannequin head in a nurse's hat, until I sold my apartment in DC and my [gay] real estate agent saw her and said, "Great art piece!" But you know I'd never sell my Flo!

I got an email just now, and while I'm not sure what this is, I'm pretty sure I'm not going:

A manifesto for global and personal

healing through ecofeminism and the arts

of loving

You'll call me a liar, but I ordered two DVDs from amazon.com.ca yesterday and paid the standard shipping of about $11. The purchase was still less than I'd have paid on American amazon, and I got the order today. You may not know this, but you can go to any amazon.com in the world and they have all your profile info, so you don't even have to set up a new account.

The DVDs were of the super-awesome Canadian sitcom, "Trailer Park Boys, Season 7", and "Xmas Special: The Dope and Liquor Edition".

Speaking of the holidays, I've been interviewing directors for God Bless You, Mr. Scrooge, and it's been really fun, and it still seems like I can make it all happen, with my bare hands, by mere force of will and money. And it's so gratifying to have people get excited about it even. One young lady I interviewed yesterday was especially quick to get the marketing possibilities. I'm going to paraphrase her analysis by saying, "This idea is so good, it's Hopf-proof!"

There are four finalists and the winner will be decided in the customary way, via a pose-off.

Today, ich bin Neue Yorkerin! I was running a little errand in Manhattan and just missed the F train out of Herald Square. But had I really missed it? About two minutes later, I hopped aboard the Mighty-Mighty D Express, plotting an intercept course. Sure enough, we pulled up to the platform at West 4th neck and neck, and I was able to catch my F after all. I can't really describe the thrill.

Two other Brooklyn milestones... I had my first egg cream yesterday, which I think everyone knows contains neither eggs nor cream. Earlier, during my walk around the park, I came around a curve to see a girl climbing off a guy's lap and pulling up her pants. Nice. I predict we'll be seeing them in about ten months on "Maury".

Yesterday I saw "Julie & Julia". I found the 'Julie' parts excruciating. J'adore Amy Adams, but her character was an a-hole.