According to a commercial Michael Bloomberg is currently running, his planned spending is going to create 400,000 new jobs in NYC. According to my quick math, there are only a total of 324,000 people unemployed right now, so move to New York!
In another commercial for a personal-injury law firm, this guy raps about different kinds of cases they're interested in, including, "Have you a neck broke/By a crash you didn't provoke?" 'Damn, I do!' says someone somewhere from the middle of a big foam collar.
Finally, on "The Doctors" yesterday, they showed what they're calling a "4D" ultrasound. Messing with time-space? Projecting future appearance of the foetus, a la what-missing-kids-might-look-like-now technology, or Lindsey's failed Mommy, What Will I Look Like? business from "Arrested Development"? Nope, it's just a video of 3D images. Which, by the way, look like sand dunes on Mars where people think they see faces.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Paris Hilton has issued a new edict, "that's hot" is out, out, out, now we're to say "that's huge", or just draw out the word, "huuuuuge". Don't mak a fool of yourself.
As you know, I'm a gal, but I hate commercials where any kind of feminine product is shown in action, either animated, or in a glass of water, or with some mysterious blue liquid (I'm guessing the same stuff they soak combs in at the barber shop). Also, I hate women standing around in their bras gabbing, like that's something we do. Vulgar!
I got an email on a dating site yesterday that just said, "I can't believe you're 49, you look 20." Um, the picture may look 20, but it be true. Now run along, ya little whippersnapper!
As you know, I'm a gal, but I hate commercials where any kind of feminine product is shown in action, either animated, or in a glass of water, or with some mysterious blue liquid (I'm guessing the same stuff they soak combs in at the barber shop). Also, I hate women standing around in their bras gabbing, like that's something we do. Vulgar!
I got an email on a dating site yesterday that just said, "I can't believe you're 49, you look 20." Um, the picture may look 20, but it be true. Now run along, ya little whippersnapper!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tax season is over and volunteering was a very rewarding experience and has given me a lot to think about. I thought I'd encountered ever stratum of economic life in America, but I hadn't. One of the many valuable lessons I take away with me is that I'm a valuable person to have working. My boss will give me a glowing reference, because alone among the preparers, I came on time, called her when I wasn't going to be there, and prepared more returns per hour than the paid preparers. (Part of the cud I'll chew about this job is how the fact that I was a volunteer made this a much different experience than if I'd been paid.) My commitment was to work 40 hours over the course of the season, I decided I'd work 100, and wound up working 221, because I knew that I'd miss having a purpose once it was gone. Here are some of my favorite end-of-days quotes:
After telling me an interminable story about a student loan she paid off in the 80s and was garnished for in the 90s, a taxpayer asked me, I think, would her refund be kept by the IRS. I told her I didn't know. "Aren't you supposed to know stuff like that? I don't mean to disrespect you." I said I didn't mind if she disrespected me, but all I'd be able to do for her was prepare her tax return here, early evening on April 15, and that would have to be enough.
Twice on the last day, guys tried to "take back" one of their W-2 forms so they'd qualify either for our service (we're only allowed to prepare returns up to $20,000 for single people) or the earned income tax credit. They were mildly put out when I told them I wouldn't conspire with them to commit tax evasion.
"My wages is garnished, is there a tax break for that?"
And two comments from my coworkers regarding Janet Hopf, the employee. Before the tax-takers were allowed in, I'd go around to each cube making sure it had pens, intake forms, and enough staples. A guy who joined us the last two weeks watched me for a few days of this and said, "You are a good housewife." But my favorite was from a preparer named Abbas who said, "Janet, you are relentless with the taxes!"
At Easter mass, I vowed to reject Satan and all his works, and to turn away from "the glamor of sin". I love that expression, 'the glamor of sin'. A friend said, "Like the magazine?" Yes, Glamour, "Doing Satan's Bidding Since 1956"!
After telling me an interminable story about a student loan she paid off in the 80s and was garnished for in the 90s, a taxpayer asked me, I think, would her refund be kept by the IRS. I told her I didn't know. "Aren't you supposed to know stuff like that? I don't mean to disrespect you." I said I didn't mind if she disrespected me, but all I'd be able to do for her was prepare her tax return here, early evening on April 15, and that would have to be enough.
Twice on the last day, guys tried to "take back" one of their W-2 forms so they'd qualify either for our service (we're only allowed to prepare returns up to $20,000 for single people) or the earned income tax credit. They were mildly put out when I told them I wouldn't conspire with them to commit tax evasion.
"My wages is garnished, is there a tax break for that?"
And two comments from my coworkers regarding Janet Hopf, the employee. Before the tax-takers were allowed in, I'd go around to each cube making sure it had pens, intake forms, and enough staples. A guy who joined us the last two weeks watched me for a few days of this and said, "You are a good housewife." But my favorite was from a preparer named Abbas who said, "Janet, you are relentless with the taxes!"
At Easter mass, I vowed to reject Satan and all his works, and to turn away from "the glamor of sin". I love that expression, 'the glamor of sin'. A friend said, "Like the magazine?" Yes, Glamour, "Doing Satan's Bidding Since 1956"!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Say it isn't so, Shamwow guy! (Also, he looks abut 24 in the commercial, in his mug shot, he looks older than I am, what's up?)
We had a march on Wall Street yesterday where people demanded companies like AIG "give it back!" Again, why are they mad at people who said "yes" to free money (these folks were also demanding that any free money floating around be given to them), and not the people who mortgaged their future to hand it out?
We had an 80-something taxtaker the other day who was kind of flirting with the cute young tax preparer. I cracked up when he said, "I may be single, but my clock's still on jingle!" But my favorite of the week was the guy who made $421 last year for a few days he worked at Foot Locker. While I was doing his return, he kept saying, "Oh, I see, the machine [computer] does it all for you. I could do this myself. Aw, anyone could do this. Can you tell me a software I can buy so I can just do this myself? This is easy!" So--charm! Then he said he'd heard a rumor that we're volunteers. "I'm a volunteer," I said. "For real? Why would you work if they're not paying you?" I said I'm unemployed and this is a way to be productive with my time. "Don't you have any respect for yourself, you're working for free!" he answered. "Wait, is this going to help you get a job?" I said no, since it's not in my field. "I just can't understand it at all," he said. So a) what I'm doing is really of no value to him, b) I'm a chump for doing it, and c) when Boss Lady gave me his paperwork, she said, "I'm just warning you, he stinks like you can't believe." His baby-mama was with another preparer and when my guy found out she'd be getting "Obama money" (the remainder of what they call "Bush Money", the stimulus program from last year which we now know worked out great) because they take turns declaring their child, so they'd get a double-dip, he asked me if it helps your taxes if you have kids. I said yes, so he yells across the room that they're going to have another baby this year. (Unless it's premature, I don't think they'll make it in time for '09 taxes.) Remember, this is a guy whose gross income was $421, that's even less than I made! This job is good practice for my maintaining professionalism. (As a matter of fact, one day I did taxes for four members of the Knox family who waited for me because they wanted "the nice one". Can you envision an office where that means me?) And I really like my coworkers and they think I'm great and you knows I needs to hear that these days!
Welcome home, Ma, from dream vacation to New Zealand and Aus!
We had a march on Wall Street yesterday where people demanded companies like AIG "give it back!" Again, why are they mad at people who said "yes" to free money (these folks were also demanding that any free money floating around be given to them), and not the people who mortgaged their future to hand it out?
We had an 80-something taxtaker the other day who was kind of flirting with the cute young tax preparer. I cracked up when he said, "I may be single, but my clock's still on jingle!" But my favorite of the week was the guy who made $421 last year for a few days he worked at Foot Locker. While I was doing his return, he kept saying, "Oh, I see, the machine [computer] does it all for you. I could do this myself. Aw, anyone could do this. Can you tell me a software I can buy so I can just do this myself? This is easy!" So--charm! Then he said he'd heard a rumor that we're volunteers. "I'm a volunteer," I said. "For real? Why would you work if they're not paying you?" I said I'm unemployed and this is a way to be productive with my time. "Don't you have any respect for yourself, you're working for free!" he answered. "Wait, is this going to help you get a job?" I said no, since it's not in my field. "I just can't understand it at all," he said. So a) what I'm doing is really of no value to him, b) I'm a chump for doing it, and c) when Boss Lady gave me his paperwork, she said, "I'm just warning you, he stinks like you can't believe." His baby-mama was with another preparer and when my guy found out she'd be getting "Obama money" (the remainder of what they call "Bush Money", the stimulus program from last year which we now know worked out great) because they take turns declaring their child, so they'd get a double-dip, he asked me if it helps your taxes if you have kids. I said yes, so he yells across the room that they're going to have another baby this year. (Unless it's premature, I don't think they'll make it in time for '09 taxes.) Remember, this is a guy whose gross income was $421, that's even less than I made! This job is good practice for my maintaining professionalism. (As a matter of fact, one day I did taxes for four members of the Knox family who waited for me because they wanted "the nice one". Can you envision an office where that means me?) And I really like my coworkers and they think I'm great and you knows I needs to hear that these days!
Welcome home, Ma, from dream vacation to New Zealand and Aus!
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