Shore and whatever, here's Brooklyn Borough Hall on March 17.

Maury Povich, "Why is he acting embarrassed?"
Female guest, "He's got four kids with four different women, I guess I'd look embarrassed too coming on national television looking like a butt-dumb fool." She was not being ironic, and she was one of the baby-mamas.

One of my tax-takers got upset with me because I didn't know how to answer the question, "If I didn't owe, how much I'd be getting back?"

My answer to local news anchors' asking "Who are these guys?" when the AIG bonus news hit is, "You could be enjoying schadenfreude right now if it weren't for your representatives in Washington who drew an unsecured loan on your future earnings to give them, ask who those guys are!" Why is Congress still seen as our protectors?

I'm away to Staten Island tonight--mysterious tropical breezes, exotic locals--to see Art Garfunkel. Poor Arty! Last month, Paul Simon played a star-studded gala to celebrate the renovation of the Beacon Theater. Tonight, I'm paying $4 to fill a seat so's he doesn't feel so bad. But I've been listening to S&G for about two months, so I'm psyched.