Yesterday I was back in production as a platelet donor after a long hiatus, and it was kind of a Keystone Kops day in the blood room. Around the same time I got there for my appointment, a novice blood donor named LaToya arrived. Well, LaToya was a pistol, and kind of a 'tard. (Sweetie, I'm sorry if you're reading this, but I know you're not.) She couldn't understand the questions on the donor survey, so Kellie had to read them to her, "Have you ever had a positive HIV test?" "Yes?" "You have?" Kellie said, patting down her lab coat pockets for the permanent deferral forms, "You tested positive for HIV?" "No, I was negative," she said. A fine distinction, but an important one. As I was getting my hemoglobin tested, LaToya bellowed, "I've been bleeding from my vagina for five weeks!" I thought I'd swallow my little vinyl thermometer. (Later from the donor room, I heard her saying something about her virginity, unfortunately, I didn't catch the details.) But it was when she laid down on the donor bed that she got her biggest, most genuine laugh. By then, there were two more donors backed up, and LaToya was introducing herself to everyone and asking what our names were. When I said Janet, she said, "So we're both named after Michael Jackson's sisters." I truly wish I could report that the other woman waiting to donate was named Rebe.

I've really held myself back from going on libertarian rants in this space, and I know you all appreciate it, but six and a half years after 9/11, all my federal government has succeeded in protecting me from are analog TV broadcasts and incandescent bulbs. Here in NYC, I can eat all the trans fat I want, unless I'm in a restaurant. Kay, that's all I'm saying.

As I was taking my morning constitutional through Prospect Park, I got my first migraine in a long time. For those not familiar with my intracranial vascular history, I get acephalgic migraines, that is, I see an aura, which might block between 5 and 30% of my field of vision (and looks like a fluttering ribbon of foil that's been folded in triangles like a flag, then unfolded) but I haven't ever had pain with it, and it's over within about half an hour. Then I feel a little weird, like I fell asleep in the sun or something. All in all, if you have to have migraines, these are the kind to have. (My Aunt Lois gets the same kind.) Anyway, the only complication this morning came when I was crossing the street with several little Jewish women, the ones to my left were completely invisible!

Finally, here's what they don't tell you on the tax prep software commercials. Every year I break down at the last minute and buy software because the prospect of writing in pencil is just too daunting. This year, the Block brothers, H&R, found a $240 penalty for me that I almost certainly wouldn't have found on my own!